Frustrated

I'm feeling very frustrated with my life at the moment. I think I'm going about things all wrong. I try to have some time to myself at night before I go to bed, but the boys always seem to interrupt that time. If I were to get up really early in the morning, they would probably stay sleeping and I could have the time to myself that I want. I hate getting up early! I'm frustrated with my job because I have so little control over things. I don't know if its going to work out. I know that there has to be something out there that I can do and do well. I don't like the work that I'm doing and it makes me not want to do it. David is frustrated too because he wants to do so much more than we are doing. I don't blame him. I feel like we are capable of so much more but we have stupid things holding us back. Like money...

Currently Brandon and Xander are sitting on the kitchen floor playing with Fridge Phonics letter magnets. (Which is really teaching Brandon his alphabet!) I'm grateful that they are starting to play together and occupy each other for short periods of time, but I'm looking forward to longer stretches. I'm still not managing my time well enough and things are just getting crazy around here again.

I have been sticking to the Weight Watchers program though, which is a plus. I've also been able to get David and Amanda on board. Hopefully we will all be able to support and motivate each other enough to stick with it and lose some weight. I figured out today that I've lost 15% of my body weight since I had Xander. That's awesome! My goal is to lose 35%. I would like to lose 15 lbs. by Easter. I'm hoping that is not unreasonable. I seem to be doing really well when I stick to the plan. :)

Brandon helped Xander clap his hands today. It was so cute. He likes to give him things to hold in his hands. The other day he was tickling him and Xander was just cracking up! He just loves watching Brandon and when Brandon pays attention to him. They are playing with a ball now on the kitchen floor and Brandon is laughing a lot. I had to tell him to take the ball to Xander because he just wanted to sit in my lap which makes it hard for me to type. Or think for that matter. Brandon got tired of the ball game and decided to whip his blanket at his brothers face. I told him to give him a kiss and say "Sorry Xander" and he did! How cute these two are. I'm a lucky mom.

Xander won't sleep without me!

I'm creating a monster! Xander doesn't want to sleep without me. He only sleeps for short periods of time (fifteen to twenty minutes) if I'm not with him. I hate to let him "cry it out" but I'm wondering what kind of habits I'm creating for my kids. Brandon is still sucking on his "bubba" and sleeping in our bed and he's two now. I got a lot more done today, but not as much as I would have liked and we still haven't worked on our "schedule." Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Not enough hours in the day

Everyday I look around and think to myself "I need to do this...I need to do that." There just aren't enough hours in the day! And frankly I just wouldn't have the energy if there were. I'm barely holding my eyes open now. I just try to tell myself that if I get our family on somewhat of a schedule or routine we could manage our time better and get so much more done. Once some of this stuff gets done its just done. I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Painting my bathroom, living room and kitchen for instance. Just do it already and its done! I have to stop making excuses and get things done because not doing them is ruining not just my quality of life but my family's! I consider myself to be very lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids and have the freedom to do whatever I want most of the time. The problem is that I waste way too much of it. So I guess it's not that there isn't enough hours in the day but what I'm doing with the hours that I have...

Xander is getting more active

Xander has changed so much the last couple of weeks. Now that he sits up by himself he's just started to do more and more. He sits on the floor and plays well by himself. He's so much more interested in the things around him. He's grabbing at everything! Today while we ate dinner I gave him a breadstick to chew on and he seemed to really like it. He was just gumming away at it for a long time. It really kept him busy. I think I'm going to try to give him a biter biscuit again tomorrow and see how he does with it. We gave him one a month or so ago. He had a little bit of a hard time keeping it in his mouth. I think that he would do much better now.

Kitty!

My son Brandon's first real word was "Kitty." When he was born we had five cats. He loved them all. Slowly we were able to find new homes for most of them. We still have one. He's going to be five years old this April. He's a very shy mostly black cat named Alex. Brandon gets all excited every time he sees him and yells "Kitty!" At that point Alex knows he's been spotted and he runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction. Most of the time he hides in my bedroom under the bed, but he's been finding some new hiding spots. Alex loves Xander! Even when he's pulling his hair and screeching in his ears he's content to just lay there. I'm sure Alex will start running from Xander at some point but for now he likes to lay by him and often even sleeps next to him at night.

Today we went to a friends house who has three cats and a dog. Brandon was so excited! He just loved having all of the animals around. He likes to talk about the dog and look at her but he doesn't seem to like when she licks him or jumps at him. He gets a little scared when she first sees him and gets all excited. He's just learning to pet animals and be gentle with them, but sometimes he still gets a little carried away. He was having so much fun he didn't want to leave!

Quiet Day at Home

When I woke up this morning I had lots of plans to get things done as usual. As the day went by though I found that I was just too tired to get any of it done. Not just physically tired, but mentally tired. So I decided to take some time to relax and play with the kids today. I still did some cleaning around the house, baths and whatever but we didn't go out into the cold for anything.

Brandon took his nap without his "bubba" today which is huge step for him. He did wake up looking for it though so he's not totally over them. He gave up the pacifier and bottle without any problems but I think he's going to put up a fight for his "bubba" and his "ninnies" (what he calls his blankets). His pediatrician seems to think that he is a big boy now and shouldn't need a "bubba" (which are the soft spouted Nuby sippy cups) but the boy is addicted to them. He's even started sucking on them when there is nothing in them which is what got me concerned. So we're working on kicking this bad habit of his hopefully sooner than later.

Xander will be seven months tomorrow. The time is passing so quickly. Since the day he was born I've been amazed at how different two people born from the same parents can be. Xander and Brandon are opposites in many ways. Xander never took the pacifier - Brandon loved his. Xander was fussier when he was first born than Brandon. Xander is a baldy and Brandon was born with a head of hair. Both are friendly and quick to smile most of the time though. Xander actually is the spitting image of his father. Everyone said that Brandon looked like his Daddy and now they say Xander is a "mini me." Doesn't bother me though. I think they're both adorable!

Life With My Boys

My son Brandon just turned two on Monday the 18th. We took him for his two year check-up yesterday and for the first time I think it really hit me that my little guy is not a baby anymore. Instead of stripping him down to his diaper I just had to take his coat and shoes off. He stood on the scale like a big boy and the nurse got his weight and height. He looked so cute. I was very proud of him. I looked at his little brother, Xander, sleeping in his car seat and thought that it wasn't that long ago that Brandon would sleep in there as I carried him around. How quickly life passes. My mom said something today that reaffirmed for me what I've known all along. What would we have to live for if not our children/grandchildren?

I've always wanted a large family. That hasn't changed even after two boys. I very much would like to have a daughter some day and even adopt a child or two. I'm fortunate enough that I've been able to work from home and be with my children everyday. My husband and I don't always do things the way other people think that we should do them. For instance, both of our sons sleep in bed with us. I breastfed Brandon until he was nine months old and I'm still nursing Xander at seven months. Night feedings are just easier with them in the bed.

I love being a mom but that doesn't mean there aren't moments when I want to pull my hair out because the baby's crying and Brandon won't stop screaming and grabbing me saying "up please!" I feel as if I do the same things over and over everyday yet nothing is ever done. Get up change diapers, do laundry, unload the dishwasher... another day without the dollar. Then I look into the smiling faces of my precious little angels and I know that I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

Thank you, Jesus!